EP Submission

Most of our adoption news comes through email, but the next several steps of our process equal phone calls.

I cannot tell you how my heart pounded when our social worker called last Thursday.  Many of my friends had already posted (Facebook) or texted me their good news of EP submission.  It had been an hour and a half since I knew our case worker first started calling people with news and I had given up on it being possible for us.  Too much time had passed for us to be included in the good news.  I was so happy for my friends (particularly my twin in Texas :)) but disappointment was quickly setting in.

Then the call came with my case worker's name on the caller id.  I cry really easily--I mean, I cried in How to Train Your Dragon 2 last night (I am aware of how lame that makes me) but my tears were falling before I could even pick up the phone.  As far as I know we were the only March ATK (we're grouped by when our file made it to Korea) to make it into this group of submissions.

Good news in our process is often quickly followed by new requirements or worries.  This is when our file is really looked over and combed through.  We have some new (and possibly costly) hoops to jump through in a short period of time.  We will face it all with the knowledge that we are finally looking at the last stretch of our journey to Asa and Serenity.

Nothing New

The title pretty much says it all when it comes to our kids homecoming status.  I didn't (and don't) expect any new movement for us until May or June. Even though we had a bit of good news last week for those in front of us (mostly about four-five months ahead in the process), I was hoping for a little more movement. Sadly, I don't know if it was a sunny day that was to be followed by many more or not. Since February, this process has slowed down to a trickle.

To be honest, I'm slowly coming to grips with the fact that our kids might not be home in 2014.

Yes. It makes me sad too.  So so sad. Soooooooooooooooo so sad.

I hope I'm wrong.  I pray every day that what I think is a realistic timeline is just pessimism.  We're almost 16 months in from referral and it seems the wait has just become unbearable some days.  I'm watching my friends' kids grow up in real time while Asa and Serenity's changes show up in monthly pictures; videos every four-five months; and the occasional progress or medical report.  

And then I remember that there are two other mothers missing these same milestones--two brave souls that spent months being pregnant with babies they may have never gotten to hold. We'll grieve their second birthday, knowing that it will be a hard day for them too. 

So we will wait.  We will complain and cry and miss all those first kisses and hugs and words and steps, but we will always remember that this sadness isn't ours to bear alone. It is the temporary sacrifice and void that leads us to the joy and privilege of  a lifetime as a family.

Notice anything different?

Our timeline and next steps...

In case you would like to know our next steps (and I know that many of you do because it's a regular question these days) , some kind AP soul typed this baby up and I thought it might be more helpful than my usual confusing way of explaining things.

I sincerely hope we're filling out more dates on this sheet very, very soon.  I've thought for a while now that February would be "our month" to move forward but it is just as likely that it could be another month or two really.  Please pray with us that all of those time estimates are closer to the average.

After (if) you read through this little timeline I think you will better understand why we always say....well it could be this long but... ;)

2014

Only a few hours before we ring in the new year.  To say that I'm (really we're) ready for 2014 is an understatement.  I hate to be the kind of person that wishes away their time, but if I could have fast-forwarded through most of 2013 I certainly would have.

I don't want to leave you all believing that there weren't good parts to 2013 because it's just not true.   There are memories and moments with friends and family that I wouldn't have wanted to miss.  Two of my very best friends had beautiful baby boys and another close friend has a little one on the way.  Wayne finished grad school after three years of spring, summer and fall semester classes.  I made so many new and dear friends in the adoption community and even met some of them in person.  Lots of good things that I wouldn't take back.

But Wayne puts it best when I ask for his end of year thoughts: "67% suck."

It feels like our hearts have huge chunks taken out of them since the day we read Asa and Serenity's files and saw their sweet faces.  Each month (usually) has brought new pictures and measurements and the knowledge that they are growing up apart from us.

In October we received Asa's 15 month pictures and I was so happy and so thankful to receive them.  Our little boy was finally sitting up on his own and looking so very healthy!  But then I looked again and called crying to my mom.  Where did his chubby baby cheeks go?  Where did that little baby boy go?  The baby I watched without much change in pictures for months was suddenly a toddler.

It's a sad but necessary evil.  Time must pass for us to bring our kiddos home.  We wish the time away, while still missing the time spent.  We hope for time to pass quickly, knowing it means our kids will change without us there to witness it.

2014.  We have waited anxiously for you.  Please, please be gentle with our impatient hearts.

Hope

"The very least you can do in your life is figure out what you hope for.  And the most you can do is live inside that hope.  Not admire it from a distance but live right in it, under its roof." -Barbara Kingsolver, Animal Dreams

Happy Hangul Day! 한글날

I won't bore you with too much history, but basically this day is celebrated as the one King Sejong proclaimed (after inventing :)) hangul as the native Korean alphabet.  Until 1443 Koreans used hanja or Chinese characters.  I want to give King Sejong a big old hug for switching things out because I have a feeling reading Hangul is 100x's easier to pick up on than reading Hanja!  

September marked one year into my learning process.  I can't tell you how intermittently proud I am and also discouraged.  KOREAN IS HARD TO LEARN!!  My 30-year-old brain is truly learning a language for the first time and it is difficult.  One day I think I'm really starting to get it and the next I'm wondering why there have to be so many words in the world!  

I'm currently using a series called Talk to Me In Korean (.com) and absolutely love it.  Most of their lessons are free to download and so I'm always listening to lessons in my car and while biking.  I'm currently on their Level 3 lessons and am considered a beginner.  Level 4, which I think is a good three months away at this point, is considered intermediate.

To give you an idea of a few things that I can do:

I can read Hangul!  Even if I can't understand what I'm reading I can read the alphabet and sound most things out.

I can introduce myself and give basic info on myself.

I understand and can create basic sentences in present, past, and future tenses. (and present, past, future progressive)

I can count using both number systems--yes, there are two!!!  

I know my days of the week, names of months--basically how to tell you the date :)

I can tell the time in Korean--it uses both number systems.  (I definitely pouted after finding that out!)

I know how to order food or drinks-so we won't starve come travel time ;)

I can tell you what I can or can't do, as well as am good or bad at.

I still have a really long way to go when it comes to being anywhere near comfortable with Korean, but I feel the biggest battle has already been won because I've made it a year without giving up!  Here's to the coming months of learning--I pray my kiddos are home and speaking toddler Korean with me before I hit my next year anniversary so that we can continue this journey of the Korean language together.  Maybe Wayne will at least  be able to pronounce hello (안녕하세요) by then!!! ;)