I've debated for a while how to tell people of our plans. Slowly more and more people have found out and so I felt like it might be about time to make the official announcement we made last week.
One of the main reasons I have been hesitant to make our announcement is the inevitable questions and natural assumptions that follow.
It has always been our plan to adopt. I would say more so than having children biologically, it has been important to us that we grow our family through adoption. Our esteem for adoption is hinged on the Biblical principal of God's children being adopted heirs through his son. We both grew up in loving homes and it weighs on our hearts that not all children receive that blessing.
We did try to get pregnant over the last year-obviously unsuccessfully. Each month was a disappointment because I had a timeline in mind. You see, my plan was to get pregnant, have our first child biologically and then after the first kiddo turned six months old we would start the adoption process! I know for many this may seem a bit funny, but the timing for me has always been about moving on to adoption. The fear that we would not be able to financially afford to adopt all of our children kept us from starting that immediately, and at the time we had picked a country with an age minimum that we did not meet.
When we found out that it might be a bit difficult for us to have kids biologically, I started researching adoption again and found another program that we already met the qualifications for. There was no longer a need to wait.
It is not our intention to criticize the process of in vitro fertilization or other types of family planning, but our goal now is to build our family through adoption. Since we began announcing our decision, we have faced many well intentioned comments from sincere loved ones. For instance, the phrase: "Oh you just wait. Once you bring your baby home you'll get pregnant" carries with it the undertones of easing the burden of infertility, but it is a double-edged sword. The same phrase, whether intended or not, lessens the value of the adopted child or the adoption process.
We don't really want that. We don't see our future kiddo as the alternative to a failed process, but as our paper pregnancy. :)
I know that for many people this may be something they want to hear. We truly do not. Our dreams consist of a quick adoption process and maybe the renewal of the adoption tax credit for the next several years as we build our family.
I hope that answers some of your questions! I will be updating this blog periodically because I know that one day, someone out there researching adoption will need this resource just as I have benefited from the blogging world over the last year of research. It is going to be a long and hard road at times, but we know it will be well worth it in the end.
Written by Ronda & Wayne :)
I am so, so excited for you, cuz! I've always felt pulled toward adoption too, and even with three biological children we still talk about it. It doesn't matter how a child comes into a family -what matters is how we love and nurture and raise them. The two of you, and a lucky child somewhere, are in my prayers. Love you!
ReplyDeleteI hope the process goes as quickly as possible for you guys. I am excited to read all of these plans that are inspired by your faith. I pray God blesses you three through the process. You guys will be a blessing to some lucky child. I also appreciate the way you addressed people's well-intentioned, yet hurtful comments. That can help people who have never known these things personally to respond better when their loved ones are in a similar position. May God continue to bless your family as it grows!
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