Our timeline and next steps...

In case you would like to know our next steps (and I know that many of you do because it's a regular question these days) , some kind AP soul typed this baby up and I thought it might be more helpful than my usual confusing way of explaining things.

I sincerely hope we're filling out more dates on this sheet very, very soon.  I've thought for a while now that February would be "our month" to move forward but it is just as likely that it could be another month or two really.  Please pray with us that all of those time estimates are closer to the average.

After (if) you read through this little timeline I think you will better understand why we always say....well it could be this long but... ;)

2014

Only a few hours before we ring in the new year.  To say that I'm (really we're) ready for 2014 is an understatement.  I hate to be the kind of person that wishes away their time, but if I could have fast-forwarded through most of 2013 I certainly would have.

I don't want to leave you all believing that there weren't good parts to 2013 because it's just not true.   There are memories and moments with friends and family that I wouldn't have wanted to miss.  Two of my very best friends had beautiful baby boys and another close friend has a little one on the way.  Wayne finished grad school after three years of spring, summer and fall semester classes.  I made so many new and dear friends in the adoption community and even met some of them in person.  Lots of good things that I wouldn't take back.

But Wayne puts it best when I ask for his end of year thoughts: "67% suck."

It feels like our hearts have huge chunks taken out of them since the day we read Asa and Serenity's files and saw their sweet faces.  Each month (usually) has brought new pictures and measurements and the knowledge that they are growing up apart from us.

In October we received Asa's 15 month pictures and I was so happy and so thankful to receive them.  Our little boy was finally sitting up on his own and looking so very healthy!  But then I looked again and called crying to my mom.  Where did his chubby baby cheeks go?  Where did that little baby boy go?  The baby I watched without much change in pictures for months was suddenly a toddler.

It's a sad but necessary evil.  Time must pass for us to bring our kiddos home.  We wish the time away, while still missing the time spent.  We hope for time to pass quickly, knowing it means our kids will change without us there to witness it.

2014.  We have waited anxiously for you.  Please, please be gentle with our impatient hearts.

Hope

"The very least you can do in your life is figure out what you hope for.  And the most you can do is live inside that hope.  Not admire it from a distance but live right in it, under its roof." -Barbara Kingsolver, Animal Dreams

Happy Hangul Day! 한글날

I won't bore you with too much history, but basically this day is celebrated as the one King Sejong proclaimed (after inventing :)) hangul as the native Korean alphabet.  Until 1443 Koreans used hanja or Chinese characters.  I want to give King Sejong a big old hug for switching things out because I have a feeling reading Hangul is 100x's easier to pick up on than reading Hanja!  

September marked one year into my learning process.  I can't tell you how intermittently proud I am and also discouraged.  KOREAN IS HARD TO LEARN!!  My 30-year-old brain is truly learning a language for the first time and it is difficult.  One day I think I'm really starting to get it and the next I'm wondering why there have to be so many words in the world!  

I'm currently using a series called Talk to Me In Korean (.com) and absolutely love it.  Most of their lessons are free to download and so I'm always listening to lessons in my car and while biking.  I'm currently on their Level 3 lessons and am considered a beginner.  Level 4, which I think is a good three months away at this point, is considered intermediate.

To give you an idea of a few things that I can do:

I can read Hangul!  Even if I can't understand what I'm reading I can read the alphabet and sound most things out.

I can introduce myself and give basic info on myself.

I understand and can create basic sentences in present, past, and future tenses. (and present, past, future progressive)

I can count using both number systems--yes, there are two!!!  

I know my days of the week, names of months--basically how to tell you the date :)

I can tell the time in Korean--it uses both number systems.  (I definitely pouted after finding that out!)

I know how to order food or drinks-so we won't starve come travel time ;)

I can tell you what I can or can't do, as well as am good or bad at.

I still have a really long way to go when it comes to being anywhere near comfortable with Korean, but I feel the biggest battle has already been won because I've made it a year without giving up!  Here's to the coming months of learning--I pray my kiddos are home and speaking toddler Korean with me before I hit my next year anniversary so that we can continue this journey of the Korean language together.  Maybe Wayne will at least  be able to pronounce hello (안녕하세요) by then!!! ;)

Happy birthday baby girl!

Happy birthday sweet girl!  We can't wait to see that big personality in person and hope your foster family is spoiling you big time! 사랑해

생일 축하해 Asa

Happy Birthday Asa!  Omma hopes you were spoiled today for your first birthday and that we never spend another one apart.  :) 

Some Days are Harder Than Others

Today is just one of those days.

I could blame a number of things I suppose.  I don't doubt that worry over Serenity's cleft palate surgery this month is at the top of this list of things to blame.  I would seriously consider selling one of my kidney's if it meant I could be with her during it all!  My agency doesn't allow you to travel before time to bring them home though (money or not) and I can hardly imagine what selling an organ does to your court appearance interview.

Judge: So I see you sold a kidney last year.  Could you tell me more about why you would do such a thing?  Me: Oh, um that?  Well you see...  Wayne: Wait, when did you sell a kidney?! 

Guess I'll have to hold on to both kidneys for now...

Not nearly as worrisome, but still bothersome, is that I'm also waiting on Asa's newest stats and pictures.  I know he was likely in the office for his monthly checkup last week and that it is (hopefully) only a matter of time before I get a new glimpse of my little boy.

When it comes down to it--REALLY--it's that I'm impatient.  I know the physicians taking care of Serenity will be just as good as they are here in the states.  That me being there wouldn't be a comfort to her at this point.  I know that Asa's pictures will make it to me eventually.  I also know that little bugger will likely avoid the camera again if he has a chance anyway.

But I'm already tired of waiting.  After only four months since our referral and really only two months since our official waiting started.

How in the world am I going to make it another year or more without holding those little hands and kissing those plump cheeks?

Most of my family and friends are well aware of the fact that I am not a very patient person.  Perhaps no one could be patient in this situation, knowing your children are halfway around the world.  But if I'm honest impatience is one of my larger flaws and one I truly hope I am going to conquer this year.

God is surely teaching me to wait and reminding me that this is only the beginning of my learning when two toddlers are on the other side of this waiting. I truly hope I can start to focus more on what I'm being taught about patience in this process so that I'm ready to apply what I've learned at the end of it all.

I'm sure Asa and Serenity will appreciate it if I do. :)

월요일이에요 (It's Monday)

Every Sunday is the same for me lately.  I don't mean with worship, because that is always something I look forward to, rather once I leave the church building and head home.  When the weekend is clearly coming to an end and I can feel the work week pushing it's way back into my head.

Every Sunday night now I come home from church and as I set my alarm clock I can't help but think to myself,  it's already Monday in Seoul.

I can't wait until I experience my first Monday in Korea and can finally think...

it's just Sunday in St. Louis.

ATK, Fingerprinting and First Care Packages

March 29th was finally our official ATK!  Basically it means we've been Accepted To Korea and that Asa and Serenity are officially our referral.  After over 10 weeks of having our referral but not being official it was a relief to move forward to this important step.  

ATK means we are officially into the wait as well.  That wait could have us bringing them home any time from March to September 2014.  We hope.  Things are a bit up in the air in Korea as new laws regarding adoption were put into place last August and so no one has traveled under the new laws yet.  Hopefully in the next few months we'll have a little better idea when our kiddos will make it home.

April brought with it our fingerprinting appointment with USCIS (Citizenship & Immigration Services).  We expected that we might need to wait for an hour or more even but we made it in an hour before our appointment and were in and out in 10 minutes!  I'm sure we got lucky, but it made for a nice rest of the day.
   
April also brought our first chance to send Asa and Serenity's care packages.  I can't post their photos online because of our agency restrictions, but if I could you would see my daughter dressed in all neutrals.  At 9 months old my girly needs some pinks and purples in her life.  As someone who has generally rejected pink in all of its various shades I can hardly believe I'm writing that!  I guess having a boy and a girl to buy for at the same time means I'm much more open to having a little girly girl since I get to have all the fun of buying boy stuff too.

Anyway, lots of things to sign, notarize and mail off the first quarter of this year and probably not a whole lot going on for the next several months.  At least while we wait we should keep getting updates of our kiddos to keep us holding on.  Adoption is a lot of "hurry up and wait" and sometimes it's hard to not wish away the months.  Please pray for us, our kiddos and their foster moms as we continue to wait. :)

Just a few things I've learned from our home study

1.  My husband really does not have any limits on what he will talk to someone about.  I knew we were an open couple...but sheesh.
 
2.  I don't have to take parenting advice from anyone!  No really, my social worker said so.
 
Actually, what she said was I SHOULDN'T take parenting advice from anyone.  There are several things that are totally appropriate practices with birth children that are just not good for adopted kids. (or at least when they aren't adopted from birth)  For example, self-soothing and letting a child cry it out are seen as safe after a few months for babies and is something my parents used on me to finally get me to sleep through the night!  It is, however, a horrible thing to do to a newly adopted child.  Just one example of many things that are common to most parents and that we cannot assume will be applicable to our situation. 
 
3.  That first month home...we will all just about disappear from the outside world.
 
Something I've read repeatedly on different blogs and in adoption books is the need for attachment time.  When you bring a newborn home, any and everyone gets to hold them and maybe even feed or change them those first few months.  That's not how it works when you bring a two year old (or really even a 6 month old) home.  Our kiddos will have lost their first mom--the foster mom that loved and cared for their needs all that time will have been ripped out of their lives and we're just going to be the strange sounding, strange looking people that won't let them get back to foster mom. 
 
Our social worker confirmed all that I had read and for our first month (or longer) home no one besides Wayne and I will be able to hold them, bathe them, feed them, put them to bed, hold their hand...it is all up to us.  For two kids.  Two likely two-year old kids.  Two.  Twoooo.  TWO TODDLERS.
 
I'm not worried or anything.  *cough, cough*
 
I know that first month will be like two tiny tornadoes have ripped through our house.  With our kids mourning the loss of their foster moms (they're currently in different homes) who knows what ways that will manifest itself.  We learned about a few different ways they will likely grieve, but with two kids their processes could be very different.  And while I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous about it, I know we'll make it through it alright.  I'll know that the moment my kiddos are in a room full of people and come running to me for something, I will have finally conquered that role of mommy in their hearts and you can all share in the hugs and holding with us for the rest of their lives!  You will likely have to wait in line after the grandma's though...I'm sure they have major dibs here.
 
4.  All those things that I said I would never do as a parent--I will probably have to do many of them for a while.
 
That thing you would call spoiling your two-year-old...like letting your kid eat whatever they want no matter what time of day, I will have to call that attaching to mine.  As the daughter of a Noblin, some of you probably understand how hard that concept is to me.  (This will especially make sense if you grew up with me and knew my Dad--I'm a lot like him.)  But...I believe my social worker knows better than I do and that after a month or so I can go back to more of the things I want to instill in my kids when it comes to good behavior.  Supposedly I will be able to recognize when it's time to make that switch...I sure hope she's right!  
 
The last thing I want to mention is that the home study process for us was just not that stressful.  We have a wonderful social worker who pretty much let us talk and wander through our history and adoption thoughts comfortably.  I realize if you're someone that has happened along to our blog as you research adoption, you might not be with our agency, in our area or get our social worker, but all that crazy cleaning and worrying over the home study-it really was not necessary.  Mostly the home study process consisted of two 2.5-3 hour visits where our social worker walked through each room of our house, asked us about our lives together and then in separate sessions, gave us lots of information and advice about the adoption process, and confirmed several times that we didn't have any prior drug, alcohol, legal, or behavior issues(don't lie on your applications!  We didn't have anything to hide ourselves, but if you have something in your past it is really important your agency knows--because it's likely the government does and will find out!).  
 
To our family and friends--we still have a long way to go and hope you will keep our kiddos in your prayers!  Once our home study paperwork is completed we are still looking at a good 11-15 month wait before we get to bring Asa MinWoo and Serenity YeSeul home.  It may be a bad sign that the last two weeks felt like two months to me...

So…slightly out of normal procedure for the adoption process, we received our referral before conducting the first home study. To specify, a referral is the process of receiving information about the kids in order to accept or deny the adoption of the specific child. We received information about a few children. After carefully looking over the details, we decided to go with two. Yes, I said TWO. YeSeul and MinWoo are cousins that are 6 days apart in age. Instead of just wading into the waters of parenthood slowly, we just decided to plunge into the deep end. We now have to take our preparations and then double them—a very exciting, yet terrifying process.

                

As stated previously, we had not even conducted our first home study when we received the referral. At the present, we are waiting for the second and final home study. Assuming that the nice lady that inspects our home and personal lives signs off, we will begin the year long process of red tape and governmental hoop jumping before we can officially bring our paper offspring home.

               

One of the questions that we have received from family and friends is if we are going to keep their names. The answer is yes, but in accordance with the tradition of our present civilization, we have decided to give them more English compatible first names (at least somewhat English). YeSeul (the girl and the younger of the two) will be named Serenity—meaning is self explanatory (as far as Ronda knows we are going for the tranquil definition; however, part of me wants to show homage to Joss Whedon’s masterpiece). MinWoo, who is male, will be named Asa. I know what you’re thinking. Asa is a little Jewish. You’re right, but he’s my kid, and I will name him what I want! Sorry. Asa was the son of Abijam and reigned in Judah for 41 years (1 Kings 15). Verse 14 says, “the heart of Asa was wholly true to the Lord all his days.” Also, the names sound good when combined with MinWoo and YeSeul—and are easy to spell.

              

For now, we will have to conduct another home study. The first one went well. We are both real talkative and open about our lives. The home inspector lady was real nice and easy to talk to. Ronda did her one-on-one interview last time, so this next meeting will be my interview. Part of me wants to make up a cool alter ego past (a combination between Hon Solo and the Bandit from Smokey and the Bandit), but Ronda would kill me—and not the LOL kind.

      

              More to follow…Until next time, Wayne out.

We're Adopting!

As we announced over facebook a week ago-we're adopting!  We sent in our second monster of an application last week and are now just waiting for the last few pieces to make their way in to our adoption agency and then hear if we are approved or not.

I've debated for a while how to tell people of our plans. Slowly more and more people have found out and so I felt like it might be about time to make the official announcement we made last week.

One of the main reasons I have been hesitant to make our announcement is the inevitable questions and natural assumptions that follow.

It has always been our plan to adopt.  I would say more so than having children biologically, it has been important to us that we grow our family through adoption.  Our esteem for adoption is hinged on the Biblical principal of God's children being adopted heirs through his son.  We both grew up in loving homes and it weighs on our hearts that not all children receive that blessing.

We did try to get pregnant over the last year-obviously unsuccessfully.  Each month was a disappointment because I had a timeline in mind.  You see, my plan was to get pregnant, have our first child biologically and then after the first kiddo turned six months old we would start the adoption process!  I know for many this may seem a bit funny, but the timing for me has always been about moving on to adoption.  The fear that we would not be able to financially afford to adopt all of our children kept us from starting that immediately, and at the time we had picked a country with an age minimum that we did not meet.

When we found out that it might be a bit difficult for us to have kids biologically, I started researching adoption again and found another program that we already met the qualifications for.  There was no longer a need to wait.

It is not our intention to criticize the process of in vitro fertilization or other types of family planning, but our goal now is to build our family through adoption.  Since we began announcing our decision, we have faced many well intentioned comments from sincere loved ones. For instance, the phrase: "Oh you just wait.  Once you bring your baby home you'll get pregnant" carries with it the undertones of easing the burden of infertility, but it is a double-edged sword. The same phrase, whether intended or not, lessens the value of the adopted child or the adoption process.

We don't really want that.  We don't see our future kiddo as the alternative to a failed process, but as our paper pregnancy. :)    

I know that for many people this may be something they want to hear.  We truly do not.  Our dreams consist of a quick adoption process and maybe the renewal of the adoption tax credit for the next several years as we build our family.

I hope that answers some of your questions!  I will be updating this blog periodically because I know that one day, someone out there researching adoption will need this resource just as I have benefited from the blogging world over the last year of research.  It is going to be a long and hard road at times, but we know it will be well worth it in the end.

Written by Ronda & Wayne :)