Only a few hours before we ring in the new year. To say that I'm (really we're) ready for 2014 is an understatement. I hate to be the kind of person that wishes away their time, but if I could have fast-forwarded through most of 2013 I certainly would have.
I don't want to leave you all believing that there weren't good parts to 2013 because it's just not true. There are memories and moments with friends and family that I wouldn't have wanted to miss. Two of my very best friends had beautiful baby boys and another close friend has a little one on the way. Wayne finished grad school after three years of spring, summer and fall semester classes. I made so many new and dear friends in the adoption community and even met some of them in person. Lots of good things that I wouldn't take back.
But Wayne puts it best when I ask for his end of year thoughts: "67% suck."
It feels like our hearts have huge chunks taken out of them since the day we read Asa and Serenity's files and saw their sweet faces. Each month (usually) has brought new pictures and measurements and the knowledge that they are growing up apart from us.
In October we received Asa's 15 month pictures and I was so happy and so thankful to receive them. Our little boy was finally sitting up on his own and looking so very healthy! But then I looked again and called crying to my mom. Where did his chubby baby cheeks go? Where did that little baby boy go? The baby I watched without much change in pictures for months was suddenly a toddler.
It's a sad but necessary evil. Time must pass for us to bring our kiddos home. We wish the time away, while still missing the time spent. We hope for time to pass quickly, knowing it means our kids will change without us there to witness it.
2014. We have waited anxiously for you. Please, please be gentle with our impatient hearts.
Showing posts with label patience. Show all posts
Showing posts with label patience. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Saturday, June 8, 2013
Some Days are Harder Than Others
Today is just one of those days.
I could blame a number of things I suppose. I don't doubt that worry over Serenity's cleft palate surgery this month is at the top of this list of things to blame. I would seriously consider selling one of my kidney's if it meant I could be with her during it all! My agency doesn't allow you to travel before time to bring them home though (money or not) and I can hardly imagine what selling an organ does to your court appearance interview.
Judge: So I see you sold a kidney last year. Could you tell me more about why you would do such a thing? Me: Oh, um that? Well you see... Wayne: Wait, when did you sell a kidney?!
Guess I'll have to hold on to both kidneys for now...
Not nearly as worrisome, but still bothersome, is that I'm also waiting on Asa's newest stats and pictures. I know he was likely in the office for his monthly checkup last week and that it is (hopefully) only a matter of time before I get a new glimpse of my little boy.
When it comes down to it--REALLY--it's that I'm impatient. I know the physicians taking care of Serenity will be just as good as they are here in the states. That me being there wouldn't be a comfort to her at this point. I know that Asa's pictures will make it to me eventually. I also know that little bugger will likely avoid the camera again if he has a chance anyway.
But I'm already tired of waiting. After only four months since our referral and really only two months since our official waiting started.
How in the world am I going to make it another year or more without holding those little hands and kissing those plump cheeks?
Most of my family and friends are well aware of the fact that I am not a very patient person. Perhaps no one could be patient in this situation, knowing your children are halfway around the world. But if I'm honest impatience is one of my larger flaws and one I truly hope I am going to conquer this year.
God is surely teaching me to wait and reminding me that this is only the beginning of my learning when two toddlers are on the other side of this waiting. I truly hope I can start to focus more on what I'm being taught about patience in this process so that I'm ready to apply what I've learned at the end of it all.
I'm sure Asa and Serenity will appreciate it if I do. :)
I could blame a number of things I suppose. I don't doubt that worry over Serenity's cleft palate surgery this month is at the top of this list of things to blame. I would seriously consider selling one of my kidney's if it meant I could be with her during it all! My agency doesn't allow you to travel before time to bring them home though (money or not) and I can hardly imagine what selling an organ does to your court appearance interview.
Judge: So I see you sold a kidney last year. Could you tell me more about why you would do such a thing? Me: Oh, um that? Well you see... Wayne: Wait, when did you sell a kidney?!
Guess I'll have to hold on to both kidneys for now...
Not nearly as worrisome, but still bothersome, is that I'm also waiting on Asa's newest stats and pictures. I know he was likely in the office for his monthly checkup last week and that it is (hopefully) only a matter of time before I get a new glimpse of my little boy.
When it comes down to it--REALLY--it's that I'm impatient. I know the physicians taking care of Serenity will be just as good as they are here in the states. That me being there wouldn't be a comfort to her at this point. I know that Asa's pictures will make it to me eventually. I also know that little bugger will likely avoid the camera again if he has a chance anyway.
But I'm already tired of waiting. After only four months since our referral and really only two months since our official waiting started.
How in the world am I going to make it another year or more without holding those little hands and kissing those plump cheeks?
Most of my family and friends are well aware of the fact that I am not a very patient person. Perhaps no one could be patient in this situation, knowing your children are halfway around the world. But if I'm honest impatience is one of my larger flaws and one I truly hope I am going to conquer this year.
God is surely teaching me to wait and reminding me that this is only the beginning of my learning when two toddlers are on the other side of this waiting. I truly hope I can start to focus more on what I'm being taught about patience in this process so that I'm ready to apply what I've learned at the end of it all.
I'm sure Asa and Serenity will appreciate it if I do. :)
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