1. My husband really does not have any limits on what he will talk to someone about. I knew we were an open couple...but sheesh.
2. I don't have to take parenting advice from anyone! No really, my social worker said so.
Actually, what she said was I SHOULDN'T take parenting advice from anyone. There are several things that are totally appropriate practices with birth children that are just not good for adopted kids. (or at least when they aren't adopted from birth) For example, self-soothing and letting a child cry it out are seen as safe after a few months for babies and is something my parents used on me to finally get me to sleep through the night! It is, however, a horrible thing to do to a newly adopted child. Just one example of many things that are common to most parents and that we cannot assume will be applicable to our situation.
3. That first month home...we will all just about disappear from the outside world.
Something I've read repeatedly on different blogs and in adoption books is the need for attachment time. When you bring a newborn home, any and everyone gets to hold them and maybe even feed or change them those first few months. That's not how it works when you bring a two year old (or really even a 6 month old) home. Our kiddos will have lost their first mom--the foster mom that loved and cared for their needs all that time will have been ripped out of their lives and we're just going to be the strange sounding, strange looking people that won't let them get back to foster mom.
Our social worker confirmed all that I had read and for our first month (or longer) home no one besides Wayne and I will be able to hold them, bathe them, feed them, put them to bed, hold their hand...it is all up to us. For two kids. Two likely two-year old kids. Two. Twoooo. TWO TODDLERS.
I'm not worried or anything. *cough, cough*
I know that first month will be like two tiny tornadoes have ripped through our house. With our kids mourning the loss of their foster moms (they're currently in different homes) who knows what ways that will manifest itself. We learned about a few different ways they will likely grieve, but with two kids their processes could be very different. And while I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous about it, I know we'll make it through it alright. I'll know that the moment my kiddos are in a room full of people and come running to me for something, I will have finally conquered that role of mommy in their hearts and you can all share in the hugs and holding with us for the rest of their lives! You will likely have to wait in line after the grandma's though...I'm sure they have major dibs here.
4. All those things that I said I would never do as a parent--I will probably have to do many of them for a while.
That thing you would call spoiling your two-year-old...like letting your kid eat whatever they want no matter what time of day, I will have to call that attaching to mine. As the daughter of a Noblin, some of you probably understand how hard that concept is to me. (This will especially make sense if you grew up with me and knew my Dad--I'm a lot like him.) But...I believe my social worker knows better than I do and that after a month or so I can go back to more of the things I want to instill in my kids when it comes to good behavior. Supposedly I will be able to recognize when it's time to make that switch...I sure hope she's right!
The last thing I want to mention is that the home study process for us was just not that stressful. We have a wonderful social worker who pretty much let us talk and wander through our history and adoption thoughts comfortably. I realize if you're someone that has happened along to our blog as you research adoption, you might not be with our agency, in our area or get our social worker, but all that crazy cleaning and worrying over the home study-it really was not necessary. Mostly the home study process consisted of two 2.5-3 hour visits where our social worker walked through each room of our house, asked us about our lives together and then in separate sessions, gave us lots of information and advice about the adoption process, and confirmed several times that we didn't have any prior drug, alcohol, legal, or behavior issues(don't lie on your applications! We didn't have anything to hide ourselves, but if you have something in your past it is really important your agency knows--because it's likely the government does and will find out!).
To our family and friends--we still have a long way to go and hope you will keep our kiddos in your prayers! Once our home study paperwork is completed we are still looking at a good 11-15 month wait before we get to bring Asa MinWoo and Serenity YeSeul home. It may be a bad sign that the last two weeks felt like two months to me...
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